Damn it Sleep..

*Phillip Phillip's recently release album is currently played in the background.

So I have been feeling...out of it (for lack of a better term, or maybe laziness).

Davidson is a very harsh place to be. Don't get me wrong, I love it here and the people who I have become very close to are amazing. And those who I haven't talked to as much are still equally as amazing. Everyone is so helpful, so encouraging. But that doesn't stop some of us from feeling out of place.

Like for example, I have spent Saturday-Tuesday staying up doing homework, studying etc until 3am. And that's terrible for me! (I am going to be just rambling, therefore revealing many many things about myself which I'm sure you might not know..)
Why is this lack of sleep terrible? Because, I was an insomniac for most of my childhood. In short, I slept maximum about 8-10 hours a week from ages 10 till about 15. Around 16 I started taking medication and so it took about 2 years to stabilize my sleep to normality. And all I can say is F***K YOU Davidson for trying to keep your ranks in the Most Rigorous Colleges in the Nation list... Seriously what the fuck? (yes I didn't spell fuck in all caps because I felt that would be too much..)
Not only that, I had to spend Thanksgiving worrying about doing homework, without actually doing it until the Saturday night. Why wait? Because it was Thanksgiving BREAK. Why else?? Whatever, my research paper, review, and quizzes are over. Now I just have one more test tonight (German during my AT session at 7pm) to worry about and then a well deserved weekend-break.

But it won't even be a break. Because unlike many of the students here (or at least many that I have seen) I have to study constantly to retain knowledge. I wish I was like these students (and my brothers too, I don't know why I'm not like that, it SHOULD be genetic!) who could hear a lecture, and who learn right off the bat. As in, if they hear it they retain the knowledge. And reading something later just enforces it. I can't do that. I'll remember examples for things, but I won't remember the thing...I have to constantly study. And finals are coming...therefore I must study now. Blah!

But alas, I have work study in about 10 minutes, so I should probably make my bed (why would I make it before going to a review? I knew I'd need comfort afterwards!) and head out to Watson to go work for Mrs. Duncan. But mostly likely she won't have anything for me to do, so I'll go down to the lab and help out with research. Its still work, and I don't mind it. At least I'm getting good at hunting down research articles!

There is plenty more I would like to talk about, and perhaps I will do so more often. Or maybe even tonight. I have been making a habit of going down to the library to study (which really helps! I am giving it credit for the confidence which I am currently in possession of for my Psychology review) but I might break that tonight and write. Or skype my parents, I haven't in almost two weeks. And I haven't seen them face to face since August 22 not even at the crack of dawn, in my Maywood/Los Angeles home.
I need December 18th to come, I'll be going home that day <3.

Anyways bye bye for now world. Time to work!

Thanksgiving & Academic Complaining (Sorry!)

This is (for obvious reasons) the first time I'm celebrating Thanksgiving but, no kidding, I have really felt the urge these days to reflect on and remind myself of all the things that I'm thankful for. I'm happy to be spending the break with the family of a person very special to me, in their home in South Carolina. I'm lucky to have that person in my life; I'm also thankful for all the amazing people I got to meet in the latest months, as well as for all the special people at home that I've kept in touch with (including my friend from home, Elina, whose birthday is in a few hours)! I'm also extremely relieved to have had a seemingly infinite amount of time to sleep during the break. Believe me - I needed that sleep.

I'm thankful for a "shitload" - as Luna very accurately described it - of other things as well. Like, for example, that this semester is coming to an end, with just over three weeks left until Winter Break, when I'm going to travel back to Greece. No, I'm not implying that I haven't enjoyed myself in the past months - my first semester at Davidson, in college, has probably been one of my best 4-month periods of my life; it's just that I've gotten way too stressed as far as my classes are concerned. I am doing well, but at the same time I feel that choosing such a "hard" curriculum for my first semester was sort of a mistake. Organic Chemistry (in which I belonged to the minority of non-premed students) I was happy to take - even though it was challenging, the material was way too interesting for me to care. But Calculus III, with the endless graded homework assignments that took up so much time, and the fact that it was an 8.30 class I accidentally slept through a couple of times and often struggled not to fall back to sleep in, was painful. I am ashamed of myself for saying that, 'cause Mathematics was always one of the most intriguing subjects for me, but I'm SOOOO looking forward to next semester, in which I won't have to take any more math classes.

I'm sorry to be bitching about my work in a Thanksiving post. But the fact that it's Thanksgiving break and I have free time is partially the reason why I am publishing this now. So, I'll go on, to describe something I'm really concerned about, and which has actually gotten me really angry for a while. If you take out our Writing Class, which is a freshman class, all of my other classes are mostly filled with upperclassmen, who are a "weee bit" more acclimatized to the academic curriculum of Davidson than we, freshmen, are (that's OK, so far, after all, it was me who chose to be in those classes). My Chemistry 201 class also happens to involve a "shitload" of premed students, most of whom seem to me a little too uptight and competitive. Well, as I try to keep an open mind, I usually don't want to make generalizations about such things and, to be fair, there is a particular sophomore pre-med girl in my class (shoutout to Shannon, please!) who seems to know her stuff better than anyone else, and yet is always approachable and kind should someone ask for her help. But the feeling I've gotten from almost everyone else is the "Leave-me-alone-I-don't-even-care-what-your-name-is-I'm-pretty-sure-I'm-doing-much-better-on-the-reviews-than-you-because-I-work-on-every-single-excercise-on-the-book-and-you-don't" look.

Like, seriously? I don't mind my academic environment being competitive, in the sense of having competent classmates who are striving for excellence (If I did mind that, I wouldn't have decided to come to Davidson in the first place). This encourages me to be better as well. But there's a good kind of competition (what I just mentioned) as well as a bad kind of competition. There was one day I met with my assigned study group to do a "group practice review" that would count some points towards one of our Chemistry reviews. While we were solving a problem about reaction mechanisms, I asked the group a question about where exactly a particular arrow's start and end points should be correctly placed (I won't explain the question here, as it gets unnecessarily technical), so we all searched the book for a similar example. After we found out that the position of the arrow's startpoint did have an effect in general, but not to an extent that was crucial for the answer to the review's particular problem, I got the comment, "It would help if you weren't so picky about such things!"

Well, I'm sorry, then! I'm sorry for having learned that one has to be precise in what they say, especially when it's related to science. I'm sorry for not considering it sufficient to give a vague answer, hoping that "the professor" will know "what I'm trying to say" and give me the points! I'm sorry for caring about Chemistry more than I care about a freaking grade on a review or an MCAT report card!

I'm sorry if I'm being an "angry bitch", complaining about my problems with my classmates here, on a friendly Meow! blog. But I'm not really angry at the particular girl who made that comment, or at every other student I see being uptight and unwilling to talk to any of their "competitor" classmates. If they want to be bitter, let them be and, although I personally gain energy by seeing people smiling and being positive, I can always turn around and find such people just around the corner. The problem is that, it's a fact, medical school is competitive, and for one to get in it, one must excel academically. Sadly, for some people, GPA is all that matters, or all that should matter, if you want to stand any chance at getting in one of those schools.

Sigh... I just wish more people went to college to learn, just for the sake of learning itself. Work for their future as well as enjoy the present, because after all, one never knows what the future holds. To return to the Thanksgiving spirit, I'm so grateful to be studying at a liberal arts college and to have so much to choose from in terms of academic (and non-academic) disciplines. Next semester, I'm going to give Antropology a try; I'm also going to enroll in a Music Composition class, which so far has only 5 students, and about which I'm very excited! What more could I ask for?

Post Thanksgiving..

What am I thankful for?

a SHITLOAD of things.... now here comes the List:

I am thankful for:
1) My loving family - without them I probably wouldn't be where I am now. They have supported me through all of my decisions and have loved me unconditionally, despite all of my mistakes.
2) My health - I have struggled with it so much, I am grateful to simply be healthy.
3) My loving boyfriend - who says long distance relationships can't work? Its been almost 4 months since I've seen him, and yes it has not been easy and perfect but I can honestly say that I am as much in love with him now then I was when I left.
4) All of my friends, the ones I have back home and the ones I have made here - I know that all the people back home whom I love still love me back, and I am grateful to still have them through my troubling times here. I can count on them despite the distance.
The friends who I have made here are all so amazing, I don't know how sane I would be without them right now. They have made me smile, laugh, cry, and love. They match my craziness in a way which I thought was only possible back home. And I am grateful to have found people like all of them here.
5) College - It is a miracle for me to be in college. If it wasn't for the Davidson Trust, I probably wouldn't be going to college. Maybe a community college for a semester or two. But I am grateful to have found Davidson, and grateful that they accepted me and actually gave me financial aid!
6) Leigh Chandler and Rosi Goetz - They both invited me to go over to their house and spend Thanksgiving with them because I had no where else to go. This makes me feel so loved and happy, I can't even put words to it...
7) Jean Paul Garcia - my home away from home. I don't know what I would do without my friend who I have known since 2nd grade. Crazy shit!
8) Non-Commons Food - 'nuff said.

There are of COURSE plenty of other things I am thankful for, but who wants this list to be so huge?!
Oh well, here's my small list...

What I am NOT grateful for? The fact that I have SHIT LOADS of homework....

oh well the life of a Davidson College student <3

A short piece of advice following a long story

The following short note is a piece of advice to any current or prospective student at Davidson... and I suppose at quite a few other colleges and universities around here.

So, here's a story. Yesterday, Wednesday that is, after having reassured myself that Fall Break had given me the opportunity to get a little bit ahead on schoolwork, and after having created a perfect daily & weekly schedule to help me maintain this advantaged position for as long as possible, I had planned to have dinner with most of Davidson's international students in the international lounge of the Duke residence hall. This basically meant I would get free dinner, so I made sure to spend my meal-plan money for that day stocking up on cereal in the Union (non-Davidson students: I will explain what I mean by "meal-plan money"... sometime). I then happily proceeded to Duke at 6pm, met with the international students that were there and got really excited to see them while we all waited for the food to come.

I had even been holding and sort-of playing a guitar while walking to Duke, since that guitar belonged in the international lounge and my friend Blanca, whom I met on my way there, wanted to return it. Anyway, the reason why I was holding a guitar is not important. My point is, you can get the picture; I looked, and honestly was, very happy and excited for that dinner.

Then, I saw Erik.

I don't really want to precisely narrate what happened right after I greeted Erik and sensed that he wasn't nearly as excited as I was, mainly because most of the story involves me whining around, in and out of the international lounge, trying (but failing) to find comfort in Erik's hugs and begging him to wake me up from that "nightmare"... which was, unfortunately, reality.

Long story short: Erik and I (and, by the way, Jourdan) are in the same writing class. It was that same class that we had a midterm on due this Monday, three days ago. It turns out, we had another assignment due for that class - on that Wednesday, 8pm. It was written on the syllabus. Erik hadn't noticed until a classmate texted him shortly before the international meeting started. Neither had I, until shortly after the international meeting started, which was when Erik told me.

Needless to say, I did not have dinner with the international students on that day. After seeing that the line for food was way too long, I just dashed to the library and, after announcing with desperation to another ignorant classmate that she (as well as I) would have to write 1,000 words on this freaking video in one-and-a-half hour, grabbed a seat in front of a computer and, while miserably chewing on the cereal I had gotten earlier as my new "dinner" option, started wondering how in the world I would be able to submit that essay by 8pm.

Which, of course, due to my annoying and unconquerable perfectionism, I failed at doing. Around 40 minutes before the 8pm deadline, I e-mailed the professor to ask for a 3-hour extension, explaining and apologizing for completely forgetting about the assignment since it was due 2 days after the midterm for the same class, but I never heard back from her. I ultimately wrote and submitted my essay in the class' blog at 11:00pm (I know, this took me way too long, but, as I said, perfectionism sucks, especially when your result ends up to be nowhere near perfect), but I still don't know what is going to be done with it. I feel ashamed.

Moral(s) of the story:

1. THE SYLLABUS IS YOUR BIBLE. I sadly had to learn the hard way that teachers will not always remind you about assignments, as many of them assume that, since those written on the syllabus, which -ehem- you check regularly, you know exactly when they are due. I generally am this kind of regular syllabus checker, as assignments for classes usually follow a steady pace (e.g. one paper per week), but, this time, the possibility that a paper would be following the deadline of a midterm by such a short length of time was beyond my imagination.

2. If, sometime during the semester, your day's to-do list feels pretty easy to manage in your given time, check again - this is not normal! If not always, in most cases there is something you've forgotten to include in the list. The earlier you check, the least likely you are to find yourself 2 hours before the deadline of a paper you haven't yet started!

Sigh. I know, it's all my fault...

Taking a deep breath...

It's me, Natalia. I know it has been a tremendously long time.

I'm in the Union right now, just finished with my writing assignment that was due today... Monday of Fall Break, that is. I was initially (and maybe a small part of me still is) frustrated and angry to probably be in the only Davidson course that had a midterm assignment due during the break - OK, Dr. S, everybody knows Fall Break is an illusion, since pretty much everyone has homework, reviews (ps: a "review" is a test in Davidson terms, just saying) and other stuff to study for; but at least you could have helped us maintain that illusion and find internal peace by formally assigning the midterm deadline a bit later - but, now, I'm actually quite thankful for that deadline being there, since it helped me hold myself together and to build a break schedule that I - sort of - kept to to a reasonable extent.

Apart from feeling relieved to have finished my essay on Queer Culture right now (I'm so proud of it I'm giving you you the link to read it here if you're bored and have nothing to do; which I doubt is the case if you are studying at, or planning to apply to, Davidson), I can actually say I have enjoyed the break so far. The whole campus is admittedly much, much emptier; there are only four of us still left on my hall, my roommate Tyler is coming back tomorrow and the Union is almost as quiet as the library - however, I'm lucky enough to still have a handful of my very good friends (including our Luna) staying here.

Best thing about fall break: SLEEP. Worst thing about it: You actually have to figure out a way to feed yourself on your own, since the meal plan is not going on during the break. Suggestion: Walk to Harris Teeter (or drive there if you mind walking uphill with grocery bags stopping your hands' blood flow) and find stuff to cook or microwave, or go to El Paraiso for some tasty fajitas or chicken with rice.

By the way, yes, I belong to the minority of students who actually stayed on campus for Fall Break, although I did not originally plan to do so. Until two days before the break, I had been signed up for an environmental service trip to Ashville, which was a collaboration between our student organization "Alternative Breaks" and the environmental project team "Greenworks". I do feel irresponsible to have dropped out of the trip at somewhere close to the last minute, but I'm still strongly held to the opinion that I would probably be dead by now if I hadn't. As the weeks from the time I signed up for the trip went by, I gradually realized how much I needed that break. I might sound healthy and refreshed right now, but this is precisely due to my decision to stay here. Up until that very last Friday, I was exhausted. Like, really, really exhausted.

Which brings me to my point, and to the reason why the Meow-obsessed me hasn't posted a single "purr" since August 27, the first day of classes, although my first two months here have been far from devoid of news to share.

I don't get much free time around here, to be perfectly honest. In between doing Calc homework, writing essays about queer culture, trying to find time to study for Organic Chemistry which I love, going to classes, shooting and editing videos for my work-study, procrastinating by playing the piano in the Union, taking a break by learning how to fence (HELL YEAH), going to the Lake Campus for my Waterskiing class (DOUBLE HELL-YEAH), pulling all-nighters writing about Ancient Greek philosophy and ironically sleeping through half of an "extraction of caffeine from tea" lab on the next day, I try to make as much time I can for my friends and beloved boyfriend. Not that they are in a much better position than me, either. At least I'm happy not to be alone on that matter; I admit it, I have had a couple of break-downs (like, for example, last Monday, when I missed Commons lunch for 3 minutes working on a pre-lab and could not eat at the Union since my work-study on that day was from 2 to 5pm, i.e. exactly the period during which you could have lunch there), but I by no means regret my decision to come here.

Why is that, you ask? Because I have finally found myself in a place where I'm not afraid that showing who I am is going to hurt me. Also, I find that people here are much more open; although Davidson is, of course, not a perfect place with perfect people, I generally get the feeling that there is far less "labeling" and far more honesty in my relationships with other people than in high school... Probably because we are all more or less on the same boat. I don't feel bad "nerdy" for spending more time in the library than in my own room, because the vast majority of people I've met here don't feel any "shame" in working hard and admitting that they do so.

And, for those of you who could be reading this and not have visited or known about Davidson before, no, this is not a nerdy place where everybody sleeps in the library, has breakdowns and wants to kill themselves after the first month. It's definitely NOT that kind of college. I can't really explain why, but, somehow, one will always find something fulfilling for them here, whether it will be a new passion you discover, a new person you meet or a new crazy club you've never joined before but suddenly had the urge to.

Oh, and another reason Davidson is awesome: if you walk near the woods around campus at night, you are mostly certain to see a deer. Or Two. Or More. Enough said. Picture time!

Photo taken by my friend David, near his house, just across the parking lot.
"It's true; Bambi lives in our backyard"

If you look very closely, you can see me and Lauren  Lu in fencing suits.

Somewhere early September, studying Calculus
 at too-late o'clock.

My favorite place

One of my favorite moments at Davidson: the sun that comes  after heavy rain...

The Mistakes We Make In College

One concussion, case of alcohol poisoning, and overnight hospital stay later, I'm still alive. Somehow.
I was probably who Luna had in mind when she mentioned the ones who say screw it and just party. It was how I was raised, and I really don't know anything else. Not to mention I've always been a bit self-destructive.

So after about a gazillion shots and more random dance-floor makeouts than I care to think about -- I really am ashamed of myself -- I'm finally starting to settle down.

The ambulance was kind of a wake-up call. Kind of.

The good news is, I don't have any midterms. Unfortunately, however, instead of crashing on the futon gossiping with my roommate during my newfound free time, I'm writing this post. Mostly because she's essentially moved out and I need to vent. And maybe whine a little too. Don't get me wrong, I love having time to myself with just my guitar, and I love the friends I've made. But not having a roommate gets lonely.

So to anyone else out there who feels like they're all kinds of stupid sometimes, come visit, misery loves company right?

Rambles with different songs

Shiny by the Decemberists

I don’t really know how many people actually read these posts or if even the old writers do, which to be honest, sucks.
But whatever, I’m gonna keep doing this.

ANYWAYS…
The loneliness has subdued to a minimal because I have made friends who are as weird as I am! I feel like here, people will judge me if I’m my normal loud, singing, strange humoristic self. Or perhaps they need someone like that too but are afraid of what other people might think... like I was.. whatever the case is, I think that it’s better “to have a few good friends rather than many superficial relationships.” (words from a friend)

And it’s true. Why know everyone’s name and not really truly know them? Why have so many small friends who you will never really get to know and trust? I mean, I know I have barely begun to get to know these girls who I have begun to really call my friends, but at least they are taking the time to get to know me like I am taking the time to get to know them. And what else says that they want to truly be your friend than that?

*FYI I am currently at Work Study, and I should be doing homework because I have nothing to work on right now…but I forgot a part of my notes that I need, so I am typing this as an email so when I get back to my room I can finish!

*I Don't Mind by the Decemberists

 ------------

So its farther in the day now...I should be reading for my anthropology class (257, African Continuum) and I have been prolonging that for the last 30 minutes. I should get to it...

As many of you know, we are at Davidson, one of the most rigorous colleges in the nation...
what the fuck were we thinking??